The passing of a spouse can be emotionally devastating. In the midst dealing with grief, there are a myriad of financial and legal matters that require action when a spouse passes. With so many things to handle, it can feel overwhelming. This post deals with a few practical considerations after the first few weeks pass. For a helpful checklist of items that may need attention after a spouse passes, check out this article from Ramsey Solutions.
Grief can impair the ability to think clearly, so sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. Don’t make any major financial decisions while going through the grieving process. A decision that sounds good, thoughtful, or convenient at the moment may lead to regret down the road. There may be financial decisions that need to be made like funeral arrangements or submitting documents for an insurance payment, but it is best to put off major decisions until you have time to grieve and fully evaluate the future consequences of any actions you are considering.
Assess what you know and what you don’t know. It is common for one spouse to handle the finances for the household. You might be the one who always dealt with the investments and paid the bills and you feel well versed in handling your finances moving forward. If, instead, your spouse handled the finances, you might feel overwhelmed and lost when it comes to handling your finances. To keep the feelings of doubt and confusion from paralyzing you, start by making a list of the tasks you feel comfortable doing and tasks you are uncomfortable doing. For example, you may be perfectly comfortable paying the bills and managing daily expenses, but when it comes to budgeting or making investment decisions you feel out of your depth. Taking a written inventory of your strengths can help you have confidence in your ability to handle money. It will also clarify where you should seek help.
Once you find areas where you feel the need to get help from others, look for assistance from people with a teacher’s heart. Avoid turning your finances fully over to another person, be it a family member, friend, or a financial professional. Instead, find someone willing to walk with you, teach you, and empower you to make your own choices about how you handle your money. Unless you are no longer capable of making your own financial decisions, you should maintain decision-making control over your finances and seek the guidance of a trusted source as needed.
Beware of scams. I don’t say that to scare you, but be on guard knowing that there are unscrupulous people who prey on those who are hurting. You may get offers to have a company file for your social security benefits for you…for a fee. Contacting the Social Security office, your insurance company, or other financial institutions is something you can do yourself for free. Don’t pay a company to file for benefits for you – it’s just a scam to separate you from your money.
Be sure to get the support you need from family and friends. While there are some financial matters that need your attention now, focus on giving yourself time to grieve. Being with other people you love and trust to get their support is what you need most. Don’t worry about details like what to do with the house or any of your spouse’s accounts or even a vehicle until you are able to get back on our feet emotionally.
Finally, put yourself first. Make sure you take care of your physical needs, Get rest, eat a healthy diet, exercise, and seek out friends and family for support. Many people find comfort in their faith during difficult times, so staying spiritually active can offer a great support system. Questioning with why a loved one is gone and even being angry with God is also a natural response to grief. Allow yourself some emotional and intellectual time to wrestle with what you are feelings in the context of your beliefs. Give yourself permission to feel, cry, share, and start to heal from the loss of a loved one. A healing and cared for you will make much better decisions than a grieving you.
Once you catch your breath from all that has happened, if you would like help walking through your finances after a love one has passed, we are available to walk through this time with you. Our initial consultation is always free and doesn’t commit you to anything. If we feel we can help, we’ll explain how. If we are not the right fit, we’ll tell you that, too. To schedule a complimentary consultation, use the button below this paragraph.
KJ Financial Coaching 